Paradox and Enigmas
by Diva Danielle
Summary: Raph and Leo contemplate their relationship and muse on what they've lost, while Mikey and Don get down to the heart of matters.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Inspired by Mikell's drabbles. You try beta-ing for that lady and not getting inspired, or even reading her stuff and not getting inspired, it's impossible to do, I'm telling you. Darn plot bunny attacks. Shoo, begone with you. I am convinced now that Leonardo is breeding these damn things to keep me as far away as possible from writing his fic. *glares at blue-banded turtle* *blue-banded turtle shrugs and flashes a wicked grin* See, what did I tell you. Moving on. I'm starting off with two drabbles. Leo and Raph. Who knows, I may try my hand at the others, but these two, yeah, I needed to get it off my chest. How I see them, why their relationship is for me so moving, beautiful and sad. Meh, rambling, hope you guys enjoy. It's movie verse, though there is a reference to a cartoon verse scene. Also thanks Mikell for helping me with the title :-D**

**Of course, I have to give a shout out to those others that inspire me. Those that push me and encourage me to be all I can be and more. To move beyond my comfort zone and try my hand at other things. They are my cheerleaders, they are my friends and truthfully, they're the best darn people anyone could ever hope to know. Mikell, Drea, Cindy, Polaris and Mel. You girls are my light. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything TMNT related nor do I make any profit whatsoever from this fic.**

Raphael:

Not many people know dis. In fact I don' t'ink anyone knows dis, apart from maybe Master Splinter. Me an' Leo, we used to be close. Real close. He was more than my Bro, he was my best friend. We did everyt'in together. Sensei used to say we were inseparable. Then all that changed when he got those damn Katana and Splinter appointed him as Jonin.

I ain't sayin' I wanted dem Katana or not'in. I don' know what I'd do without my Sai, but when Leo got dem, he became Fearless Leader an' dat's what changed 'im. Ok, so I get it. I know Sensei made him Leader cause he's da best. I'm da strongest. Everyone knows that, but Leo? He's mister perfect and while I'd never tell him this, he really is just perfect. There ain't not'in Fearless can't do.

He works damn hard too to get where he is an' I guess ya could say I don' wish I had his burdens.

See, dat's da t'ing. Dat's where everyone gets it wrong. They t'ink I hate Leo cause he got Leadership. They're wrong. First of all, I don't hate Leo, and yeah sure, I wanted to be Leader and for a while, I thought I was gonna be.

Even Leo won't deny I'm stronger than he is, but that's just me. That's what I work for. I'm the hothead, the passionate turtle who just reacts on gut. I can't do anyt'in else. I've always been dis way. It's tough, when people don't know why I get so angry. Why I sometimes feel like my whole world don't make sense no more and you know somet'in? I know exactly when that started.

Ok, so yer probably t'inking, when did Raph get so emotional, well that's just it. I've always been dis way. I am an emotional kinda guy.

Truth is, the reason I get so angry is that day, when Splinter presented us with our weapons and appointed Leo as Leader, I lost 'im. I lost my best friend.

Don' get me wrong, I love Don and Mike, but Leo? He got me, ya know? He really understood what made me tick an' it was ok with him. He didn't care how mad or loud I got. He was always there fer me, whenever I needed to blow off steam. He got me an' knew when I needed to go topside or needed to spar with someone.

When I needed to jus' shout and scream fer no reason, Leo was always there. He even used to break da rules with me, sure those occasions were rare, but they did happen.

Now? Leo don' really do dem t'ings anymore. He's Fearless Leader, mister perfect; always in control. He hasta be and I get it. But I miss him, ya know an' sure, I got Casey now an' it's all good.

But sometimes, when I'm watching Leo do his practice, I miss my partner in crime. I remember da way we used to laugh together. When he wasn't always mad at me fer somet'in or other. When he would jus' let me be me an' I knew it was ok to be me. Cause Leo got me.

Now? It seems like it's not ok to be me anymore an' that ticks me off. He don't get me needin' to blow off steam anymore. He ain't der when I need to spar an' fight and get t'ings off my shell. I guess I jus' miss my best friend. Shell, I miss Leo.

See, dis is what happens, when I'm runnin' low on sleep. I get emotional and dat ain't good. Can't have Leo gettin' mad at me fer slackin' off in practice an' ya know? There's another t'ing. He t'inks, I don' work hard enough or da right way. He don' get it. I push myself harder than he knows. The reason I work so hard is at least dis way, I'm still on the same level as him. It's my way of makin' sure Leo knows dat even though we ain't friends no more, I still got his back. I still remember. He can rely on me. Shell, he's still my Bro, Fearless Leader or no, I still love da guy.

I'm goin' to bed. Enough of dis noise fer one night. I jus' wish, Leo could get it an' maybe jus' be Leo sometimes an' not always Fearless Leader. Cause, I gotta tell ya, Leo? Jus' Leo? He's a pretty cool turtle.

* * *

Leonardo:

You know, Raph ticks me off sometimes. He really does. It's like everything I say he has to argue with me. He has to come up with some reason why his plan is better than my plan. I'm the Leader. It's my responsibility to come up with the plans and shell, if we left it to Raph, we'd probably all be dead by now.

Ok, so I probably don't mean that, but honestly, I don't know what Raph is thinking half the time. I used to know. He used to trust me, confide in me. Then I became the Leader and he started to resent me.

I don't know what happened. I didn't ask for this. Truthfully? I sometimes wonder if I even want this.

I used to be close to Raphael. We did everything together. He was my best friend as well as my younger brother. I could relax around him and just be me.

Don and Mikey, they never resented me. They never left me after I became the Leader. Raph? He left me and I don't know why.

I envy Raph, though most people wouldn't think that, but I do. He's such a free spirit. He does whatever he wants, goes wherever he wants. Me? I can't do that. I have to think of the safety of our family.

Don't get me wrong, Raph will always have our backs. He would die before he let anything happen to any of us. He's the strongest out of all of us. I sometimes wonder if he knows I trust him with my life. Even though his rash behaviour and hotheaded actions frequently put all of us at risk, Raph is always the first to counteract it. He's always the first to go above and beyond the call of duty to protect all of us.

It's tough being the Leader and having your former best friend look at you with resentment in his eyes. I always knew Raph wanted to be the Leader and he could have been if he'd learned to control his temper and stop letting his emotions run away with him.

Raph, he acts before he thinks. He's always been that way. That was why I had to save him from the Albino Croc years ago. He nearly got his shell waxed, but afterwards, he looked at me with such respect and admiration.

I miss that. I miss my brother's respect. Sometimes I watch him as he trains in the dojo. He's always training, trying to be stronger, faster. He thinks I don't notice but I do.

Raph is fine just the way he is, but for some reason, ever since I became Leader, he's started to act like he thinks he's not good enough.

How am I supposed to tell him, he is good enough? He's not disposable by any means. But you try telling hothead that when he won't even listen to a word you say on a good day.

Ok, maybe that was unfair. He does listen, occasionally. When it suits him. I look forward to those days, when he doesn't question what I say. During those moments, it's almost like it used to be. We're united again.

When he gives me a rare smile or a pat on the shoulder. I look forward to those moments. It used to always be that way. I guess that makes it more special though. Those moments when it seems like he doesn't resent me. When I have my friend back.

Raph will always be my brother and I'll always love him. But, I miss him. I miss my best friend. The turtle who always got me through the day when things got hard. I could just be me and he'd be ok with that. It was ok if I wasn't perfect.

Now I'm expected to be perfect and I find myself turning to Raph to remind me it's ok if I mess up. He doesn't know this, but I rely on him to catch me when I fall. To take over in battle if I make a wrong decision.

He'll counteract my decision with one of his own and together, we make it through every battle. We're a team, but it's always Raph I turn to too lead, when I fail. It always will be.

Maybe one day, we'll be able to put all this behind us and get back to how we used to be. Until then, I'll keep looking forward to those moments of affection my younger brother rarely offers me.

He'll never know, I miss him, but he doesn't have to know. All he needs to know is he'll always be my brother and I'll always be here whenever he needs me, if he ever needs me.

I may have lost my best friend, but I'll never lose my brother. That's the one thing I can, and will, always be sure of.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Due to popular demand (not really LOL) here are the Don/Mikey drabbles to complete the set of brother drabbles. Once again, my thanks go to Mikell, Drea, Cindy, Polaris and Mel. The best darn, obsessed fans anyone could hope to have with them on the sewer stalking road of insanity. Seriously, the guys would be pretty freaked out if they ever ran into us. They'd find themselves in some rather interesting situations to say the least. Here you are guys, enjoy the final two drabbles. Again this is movie verse and an experiment, though there is a reference to a cartoon verse scene. Not sure if anyone will like this and granted I probably don't see the guys in the way most people do. Meh, just go with it. See what you think, maybe you'll agree, maybe you won't, this is how I personally see Donny and Mikey. Dedicated to Donny's true love. You know who you are, I love you girl ;-)**

Michelangelo:

My brother, Donatello is the coolest turtle. He knows everything. Sure he uses big words that confuse you and you wish the guy came with subtitles, but he knows everything.

If you have a question, you just know good ol' Donny will have the answer and he won't look at you like your stupid or something. He'll take his time to explain it all.

Seriously, his patience is great, especially when it comes to me. I don't always get what he's going on about, but you just know if Donny says it should be a certain way then that's the way it is.

He's a walking dictionary, encyclopedia and…all those other big words. There's the odd occasion when Donny doesn't have an answer, but give the guy a computer or a book and he like gets it straight away.

There's just one thing. There's so much pressure on the poor guy. It's like we always turn to him and ask him to fix things and Donny just does it, cause he's Donny and he's cool like that. But it can't be easy for him.

Can you imagine what that would be like? Always having to be the 'fix it guy'. Most people would probably say it was Leo who was always expected to be perfect and he is. He's Fearless Leader. He can't exactly mess up when he's supposed to be leading us and stuff.

But Donny has to be perfect too. He can't ever be wrong or make a mistake cause we depend on him to find all the answers. He never says anything, he never complains. Honestly, the dude has the patience of a saint, but seriously, I see him sometimes in his lab and it worries me when he's so tired but he won't sleep.

He just drinks coffee all the time to stay awake and find whatever answer it is he's supposed to find. I think that's why he spends so much time working on the Battle Shell or coming up with some totally cool invention. It's his way of relaxing.

Personally I'd rather he relaxed like a normal person. Got some sleep or something. But hey, it seems to work for Don.

I feel bad though, cause I'm just as bad as Leo and Raph. I'm always bugging Donny to come up with some awesome invention that I can play with, then when he does it, I always bug him to let me see.

Donny just sighs and lets me. Poor guy. You gotta give him points though. He hasn't gone totally psycho turtle on us yet. I'm just waiting for the day when Donny snaps.

Actually, that came out wrong. I don't want my Bro to snap, but you just know it's gonna happen. No one can work themselves that hard and not snap eventually. Maybe I should stop asking him to make stuff. He needs a break.

Though I think if we stopped asking Donny to fix things or build stuff, he'd think he wasn't needed anymore. Poor Donny really thinks he's the weakest ninja and he's totally not.

I've seen him kick some serious shell dude. Sure Donny isn't as strong as Raph or as fast as me. None of us are as good as Leo, but we all got our strengths and Donny's a seriously dangerous ninja when he wants to be.

Trust me on this, you don't want to take on Don first thing in the morning before he's had a cup of coffee. When he's like that, he'd probably be able to take on Sensei. Ok, maybe not Sensei, but Leo or Raph no problem.

I feel sad when I hear the others tell Don he needs to spend more time training and less time inventing stuff. It's also totally unfair, seriously. I mean come on, they're always asking Don to do stuff, fix stuff, answer stuff, come up with plans and all of that; then they turn round and like basically yell at him for not training enough.

They should really make up their minds. Maybe Don _should_ snap. So he can kick their shells. Remind them that even though he's freaky smart Donny turtle with all the answers, he's a ninja you gotta take seriously.

Donny told me about this cliché phrase once. It's the quiet ones you gotta watch out for, well…that's Donny. He's quiet, he's patient and he's smart but you really do not wanna be around once that patience snaps.

Hmmmm, maybe I should actually think about a vacation. You know, just in case.

* * *

Donatello:

People look at Mikey and think he isn't too bright. They don't understand him. Most of the time he's full of energy, bouncing off walls and this is coming from me, the turtle who drinks gallons of coffee a day. But my energy pales in comparison to that of my brother.

The truth is, Mikey is an enigma.

No idea what I'm talking about right? Let me explain. Mikey hears words and doesn't process them the way most people would. Generally he sits there scratching his head or he'll get this glazed look on his face which always means he's not listening. Or so you would think.

Mikey has this uncanny way of processing what you're saying without showing you he is. He doesn't use the conventional means to do anything and that's why most people will automatically assume Mikey isn't bright.

Actually, he's one of the smartest turtles I know. Ok so I don't know many mutant turtles, only three, four if you include myself.

See the thing with Mikey is he isn't 'text book' smart. He uses his brain in a different way. I sometimes think that because he doesn't always understand certain words, he feels inadequate.

You wouldn't think this if you knew my brother, but he has insecurities like everyone does. Of course I've never spoken to Mikey about this, but seeing as I'm the smart one, expected to know all the answers, I can tell you what my gut tells me.

Mikey acts like a goofball because he knows that's how people see him. They often mistake his boundless energy and surfer talk for stupidity. So Mike reacts to that. He'll play the part of being the goofy baby brother who doesn't understand a word I say. It's easier for him that way. You see, Mikey hates to disappoint people, it's one of those things he just can't bear to do.

If he acts like a fool and occasionally lets his intelligence show, then he's not disappointing anyone. In fact that way, he's surprising us. If he did it the other way round and found he wasn't able to come up with any ideas because he doesn't process things in a conventional way; the pressure would be too much for him and he'd never forgive himself if he let anyone down.

Let me tell you something about Mike. He sees everything differently. He senses things that most people wouldn't. His brain works in a way that continues to astound me.

He might scratch his head or look blankly at you if you're using words he doesn't know, but he will be the first to understand when you need some time alone. When you need a friendly pat on the shoulder or a reminder that you're doing a good job.

He understands people in a way most of us don't. Take Raph, by nature, he's suspicious. Leo is more trusting but also leans more toward suspicion. Me, I guess you could say I follow their lead. If they don't trust someone then I don't.

Then you have Mikey who will go against all the odds and trust this person that none of us do. He'll see something in this person that's worth saving or worth fighting for.

That's who Mikey is. He senses things, he feels things rather than thinks. You know, when you really think about it. I can't remember a time when Mikey has ever been wrong, about anyone. If Mikey trusts you, then it means you're worth it. He sees something in you that maybe even you don't see.

Take that one time when Raph nearly beat Mikey's skull with a pipe. Most people would think Mike forgave him because he's that kind of turtle. The forgiving, caring, gentle one amongst us. That is part of who Mikey is, but you know the real reason Mike forgave him?

Mike saw the horror on Raph's face before any of us did. He sensed the despair and grief Raph was feeling even before Raph did. He knows Raph and trusts him with his life.

I almost believe that even though Mikey was shocked, he knew Leo, Splinter and myself would stop Raph from doing any real damage. He trusts us.

Raph can lose his cool, but actually hurt Mikey? Maybe we thought he would, while his, as Sensei would put it, mind was clouded with rage. But Mikey? He never for one second thought Raph would hurt him. He trusts him with his life.

To most people, Mikey is an enigma; to us, he's Mikey.


End file.
